Bleeding Wounds
by Puurr
Summary: Love. It can be freeing. Or it can be deadly. Hikakaru.


Summary: Love. It can be freeing. Or it can be deadly. Hikakaru.

Disclaimer: I sure didn't miss these. I own nothing but the story plot. Characters of Host Club belong to the creator, not me.

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Bleeding Wounds

By Kakura-Sensei

I love him.

I know I'm not supposed to, but I do.

He's my brother, my twin, my other half. When I am near him, I feel complete. Happy. Safe.

For so long we lived in our own world, just us together, safe from any intruders. Tamaki-semi pulled us into the spotlight with an act I didn't have to pretend. On my part, it was all real.

Everything was good, he was still mine and I could let myself pretend that his feelings were the same for me.

Then she came. It took us by surprise that she could tell us apart since our own parents couldn't. She changed everything we knew – everything I knew. My brother, hotheaded and always playing tricks slowly began to change. He was still himself, but the look he had in his eyes wasn't just for me anymore.

It hurt more than I could even say to watch him slowly fall for her, but I could handle it, he was still mine in many respects. I could still be near him.

Then we moved into our own rooms.

Nightmares plagued my sleep while he slept peacefully. One of the first nights sleeping in my own room, I had a nightmare that shook me hard, and even waking couldn't shake it from my mind, so I ran to the one person I knew I could find comfort from. Except this time, I only found more pain.

I don't remember how long I watched him lay there sleeping, peacefully, sprawled out like he usually did even when we shared a bed. I watched him till her name slipped passed his perfect lips and I felt more of my heart crumble.

Running back to my room, I locked the door and went into the bathroom, locking that door, as well. There, while standing in the shower so no one could hear me crying, I made my first cut. Right on the upper thigh, where no one would see.

My inner pain seemed to flow out with the blood, being quickly washed away by the burning water. My pain was gone then, but I just felt empty instead.

Months passed by, my legs grew red with so many cuts that I started cutting on my arms, torso, back – anywhere I could reach and that would take my pain away.

I pulled away from everyone, though no one seemed to notice, and I'm sure my mood changed. I no longer smiled or laughed. That was my brother's job now, I would take the pain for both of us.

Then the night came that I had been dreading, the one I wished would never come. Standing at the window in my bedroom, I watched my brother come home with her, just walking, hand in hand. I watched them smile and blush at each other, then he did to her what I always wanted him to do to me: he kissed her.

Since my heart was no longer working, the final crack I heard must have been my spirit; my reason for living now had someone else to care for and love; there only needed to be one of us in this world, and he was the one.

Stepping into the shower this last time, I repeatedly moved the blade over my skin, drawing out more blood, wrenching more pain from my numb skin. I cut my wrists, my neck, my cheeks. If anyone looked for me and found me, it would be too late anyway.

I plugged the tub and let the stained water quickly fill up as I took another deep cut to my wrist, staring transfixed at the thick blood seeping out.

Lying down, I submersed myself in the water, taking little notice when it began to pour over the top and onto the floor. As my eyes blurred from my tears and lack of blood, I played out my life in my mind, remembering when I was the only one in his world. We had come into this world together and we should have left it together, as well, but that wouldn't be happening now, I couldn't keep going anymore.

Then the door flew open, his happy face turned to horror as he looked at me, his eyes wide and confused. As I closed my eyes and breathed my last breath, I said my final word in this world: "Hikaru…"

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Hope you enjoyed. Reviews welcomed.

-Puurr


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